Neutralizing the Likeability Penalty Women Encounter When Assertion Brands Them Difficult

Neutralizing the Likeability Penalty Women Encounter When Assertion Brands Them Difficult

It’s unfortunate that the double standard remains: assertive men are labeled "ambitious," and "no nonsense" when negotiating in the workplace while women continue to be branded as "difficult" when exerting the same level of confidence as their male counterparts.

While the wheels of progress turn slowly toward the time when women will not be vilified for exercising assertive means to go after what they deserve in the workplace, there are some strategies they can employ to help them navigate effective negotiations without being perceived in a negative light. These strategies have more to do with their approach than to the actual elements of the negotiation; in other words, how she conducts herself and communicates is more important than what is being negotiated.

The key to avoiding being branded as "difficult" may lie in incorporating some more traditionally feminine attributes into negotiations, rather than disregarding them as somehow "less professional" when compared to a traditional "male" way of negotiating.

Some effective approaches women can employ to avoid paying the "likability penalty" when negotiating include:

Be clear about your own worth - Learn the value of your contributions to the organization and in the marketplace. When you know exactly what you bring to the table, it’s easier to communicate that value with confidence, find common ground with the other side, and stand firm on your demands without coming across as "too demanding" or "asking for too much."

Be clear about and share your intentions from the get-go. Inform the other party of the precise focus and scope of the negotiation. This transparency allows you to be highly focused and sets the other party’s expectation for the encounter so they can come fully prepared and are not taken off guard.

Demonstrate a keen awareness of what both sides want - Enter the negotiation with a clear goal in mind so you can present your case concisely and assertively. At the same time, be aware and willing to acknowledge the other party’s stance. Utilizing active listening to pay close attention to the other party, ask clarifying questions and reflect back what you heard can help them feel less like the "enemy."

Bring the facts to the table - Come prepared with data and research to back up your requests, keeping the presentation professionally non-emotional and harder to dismiss or refute. Lean into statements such as, "My research shows..." because facts don’t make you "difficult" to negotiate with.

Speak for yourself - Rather than speaking in generalizations that could be misconstrued as attributing opinions to others, use "I" statements that focus the conversation on your own perspective and experiences.

Be magnanimous - State requests in big-picture terms. Rather than asking for things in relation to yourself alone, frame requests in terms of how what you’re asking for is beneficial for the company at large, the team or the project. This demonstrates you are not "selfishly" motivated.

Present yourself physically in an authoritative, yet open way. Employ open body language and eye contact while confidently taking up room at the table. Speak with a measured, respectful tone of voice, avoiding a passive tone and apologies which diminish your authority. These physical cues speak volumes and set the tone for how you are received by the other side.

Firm yet flexible - Your objectives are firm, but consider employing some flexibility and open-mindedness in the way they are achieved. Be open to a variety of means, approaches and solutions, taking the other party’s needs into account

Give collaboration a seat at the table - Keep an open mind to finding solutions that can benefit both parties. Looking for win-win outcomes sets the stage for mutual satisfaction rather than an adversarial interaction.

While it’s unfortunate that women must - still - take extra measures to be unapologetically assertive, these suggestions are prudent for anyone involved in a negotiation because the most successful ones leave everyone with something they wanted (and no one with a negative label).

Have you paid the"likability penalty" for your assertive negotiation style?