Cultivating Assertiveness to be Perceived as a Confident - Not “Difficult” Professional Woman

Cultivating Assertiveness to be Perceived as a Confident - Not “Difficult” Professional Woman

Women in leadership positions - still, unfortunately, walk a tightrope when it comes to demonstrating confidence and authority in the workplace. When their assertions of power are perceived as too "aggressive" women are branded "difficult" or "icy." On the other hand, when they are overly accommodating, they lose perceived status and become known as "lax" or "a pushover." The goal of the balancing act is to land somewhere between those two extremes. Failure to find a balance could easily lead to professional downfall characterized by checking out, burning out or quitting from the sheer exhaustion of constantly monitoring and tempering their professional demeanor so as to come off with just the right combination of graceful, assured authority.

Women who display similar, if not the same qualities as men in their professional relations are often accused of having an aggressive manner. In order to avoid being cast as aggressive, it’s wise to cultivate the qualities of being assertive which include:

• Owning their leadership style - regardless of gender - unapologetically; people respect someone who is authentic in the embodiment of their role as leader
• Ability to project clear, direct and confident communication of their thoughts and ideas
• Effectively and gracefully exercising influence over others in their role as leader
• Implementing definitive, well-considered decisions
• Willingness to express both their opinions and objections
• Takes other people’s opinions and viewpoints into consideration
• Team player who values team success over personal aggrandizement
• Commands and gives respect utilizing empathic intelligence
• Encourages others to express their opinions and gives them credit for their input
• Consistency in thoughts and actions

When a leader is acting assertively, regardless of gender, their actions align with those qualities. Assess specific assertive skills by considering these traits:

• Tone of voice - Should be positive, upbeat and empowering rather than condescending, harsh or critical
• Body language - An even-tempered and centered demeanor that appears open and receptive rather than closed and rigid
• Listening habits - Eye contact is made while listening and others are acknowledged and given full attention
• Curated work environment - A productive yet calm aura demonstrates command; a respectful and inclusive workspace which avoids toxicity, drama and pressure
• Effect on others - Co-workers should feel comfortable around an assertive leader, they are empowered, supported, valued rather than intimidated or disincentivized

It’s important to note that women have a fundamentally different style of leadership than men. Women’s natural proclivity is toward a more collaborative and relationship-based model whereas male management styles focus more on tasks and decisions. The traditional male people-management style doesn’t account for this difference between the sexes’ approach. When a woman utilizes the traditional male "aggressive" tone, it’s not organic so it’s no wonder it is often construed differently than intended. A female leader is most effective when she leans into what comes naturally to her authentic nature.

Women who seek to be strong leaders without being dismissed as "difficult" are well advised to cultivate assertive qualities and match them with their natural tendencies to grow into a more authentic leader, that’s equal to, yet distinct from, a man’s style.

As a woman in a leadership position, how are you perceived?